Hello, my name is Andrew Clark, and I’m addicted to Minecraft.

…and before anyone makes a crack about timeliness, I’m going to be “that guy” and mention that I was playing the alpha all the way back in March of last year – I had a blog post planned to talk about how it was the ultimate digital fix. Thing is, that I was just too involved in planning sprawling Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired structures and orchestrating uplifting Chilean miner rescues yet to happen to actually put fingers to keys. And to think, perhaps my blog entry would have been on the front of the wave, just before it blew up and turned one-man developer Markus Persson into a Swedish enabler for addictive personalities everywhere. Oh well, he’s still a millionaire and apparently didn’t need my help getting there.

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I was expecting to have this gigantic list of games and peripherals ready to hand over to that portly, red-suited bastard, but between delays and friends telling me way more than I need to know about certain games (before I had even a chance to play them, I might add), I’ve been forced to distill my wish list down to two possible items. One is plausible, and the other is more “wish” than anything else.

See, the responsible side of me has been asking for a real grownup headset mic for far too long now. And since I actually schedule time to glare at my chincy 360 headset, and the one for my PC is so old I think it’s actually made of rock, I figure it’s about time. I require nothing fancy, just something adjustable that could serve on both console and PC gaming fronts. Oh, and if the Smithsonian has any interest in my old PC headset for display, shoot me an email. I call it “grandpa.”

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2009 was a blast.

I would start off by saying that 2009 was “the year of the sequel,” but we all know that every year has its fair share of follow-ups, so taking the easy way out won’t work for me this time. We did get our first good Batman game, however, and the Ghostbusters made their triumphant return to game screens this year, much to the delight of 1980s children everywhere. And even though both are items that can’t be counted as new intellectual property, each was handled well enough by their respective developers to make us forget any prior interpretations of those games ever existed. That’s success, as far as I’m concerned.

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So, I guess I’m aiming at doing a “Remake It” once every two years or so, because from checking the date, 2007 was my last (or was that first?) entry.

2007?

Wow, that IS a long time. Sorry ‘bout that.

Well, the good news is that I’m finally back with Part 2, and although it may not be everyone’s cup of grog, I’d like to point out that it’s about time we get an upgrade to the Mutant League series. Remember? Gore, ghouls and field hazards aplenty, released upon us in the prime of 16-bit gaming?

What baffles me is why this Electronic Arts property isn’t already on the shelves! I never considered myself much of a football fan at all, but when I popped the cart into my Genesis, all things were suddenly understood. All of the hits I watched when my dad commandeered the TV for “Monday Night Football” made total sense to me in that what I was seeing and hearing after Hank Williams Jr. sang was essentially a watered down version of the sport, made suitable for television audiences.

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I check Avault a couple of times a day to see what’s new. It’s become a habit now. I open Outlook, then Firefox, and while my computer is dry-heaving trying to come up with the resources to do both at the same time I light up a cigarette. Another habit, yes, I know, and I’ve been trying to cut back. (Hey, if our President can have the same habit, then so can I, right? Right??) Either way, my ritual was thrown off track the last month when the AV greeted me with a stark white screen and not the usual bounty of gaming goodness. I paid no mind, until hours had passed, then a day, and then…

My eye twitched..

“Oh s***, we’ve closed shop! What about the games?! Will we get a government bailout?!”

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Can websites have “sex changes”? I go away for 5 days to fabulous Las Vegas; only to return to find the place I call home sporting a different outfit and calling me “Sugar” instead of the usual nicety! It’s a shock, but I’m glad to say that I kind of like it. All the major hub-bub is laid out on the hood, making my precious browsing time a little sleeker, plus I don’t have to zoom in on my iPhone to click teeny tiny links anymore! We even get a little bit bigger text, so when I do click the follow-up I don’t have to use my special dialing wand! All in all, I’d say the right decision was made, for both me and our readers.

So to answer my own question: Yes Virginia, websites can have sex changes. Hell, if the Sci Fi channel can be called “SyFy” out of the friggin blue, then why can’t Avault adjust their format a bit? We’ve been around almost as long anyways!

Welcome to the new house, everyone! Pull up a beanbag and enjoy the evolution!

Time flies like an airborne Nike Bellic, shot skyward through the atmosphere after ramming his PCJ 600 headlong into an oncoming LCPD cruiser. We’re already halfway through 2008, and while the end of the year holds some big titles like Spore, Gears of War 2 and Fable 2, we’ve already seen some GOTY contenders hit the market. Here are a few of my favorites so far, and a quick view of the rest of 2008:

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A petition demanding that director Uwe Boll stop making movies has been making its way around the Internet . It’s been in circulation for a few weeks now and even managed to get the director’s attention. Boll has stated that if the petition reaches 1,000,000 signatures, he’ll retire from the film business.

A pro-Boll petition is also floating around online, but those people are dumbasses. Anyone who claims to like an Uwe Boll flick is either a liar or saw the movie while on drugs. (Amazing drugs, not regular drugs. BloodRayne still sucked on regular drugs.) I’d rather get kicked in the nuts by a kangaroo wearing hiking boots than sit through House of the Dead again.

Uwe Boll’s movies suck, and as much as I’d like to see him quit, I know he never will. This petition could get one hundred million signatures and Boll would just laugh at all the people who know his name.

Postal comes out in theaters on May 23, the same day as the new Indiana Jones movie.

Let’s talk about God for a moment, shall we? Not an impossibly enormous bearded man resting on an opulent throne deciding the fates of countless galaxies and their inhabitants, but rather man’s mission to emulate God.

Populous, Sim City, Black & White – it’s all laid out in front of you. Build, destroy, cause a life-ending earthquake and then build a new baseball stadium to mend the wounds. These forefathers of the Simulated Holy Father allowed us to operate as lord of the land, but only within the confines of the earthbound plane.  When you compare that to what’s ahead, these classics barely scratched the paint when it comes to fabricated flexibility.

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A few weeks ago, I started playing World of Warcraft. I’ve come up with a short list of aggravating things about the game:

The Horde: You guys are jerks. I’m minding my own business, killing hundreds of bears, when all of a sudden three guys come from out of nowhere and destroy me. The next several minutes is spent running to my body, reviving myself and then immediately getting killed again. It’s almost sad, because even though I know they’re hiding there, I still go to revive myself, thinking this time will be different. I’m sure that when I’m high enough to destroyhilate those much weaker than me, I’ll love it. For now, it sucks, and I hate you.

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Hollywood can get away with rehashing old movies and TV shows, right? Well, what about games? If an obscure classic like Logan’s Run is to be remade, then Dungeon Keeper 2 certainly deserves a face lift as well!

Here’s a game that exhibited what interactive entertainment could be. The atmosphere was creepy, quirky and funny all at the same time, the voiceover and sound effects were satisfyingly comical, and the organic method of digging out your own custom hovel for your minions meant you could create different choke points and layouts practically every time you played! Grab baddies by the handful, drop them on the unsuspecting and watch chaos ensue! Heck, even jump into the fight by possessing character and lay on a personal beat down if you want. Frankly it surprises me that more RTS games don’t offer this feature as standard. It was such an enjoyable way to feel like you were in control, and as we know control was everything in Bullfrog’s games. (See Populous and Theme Park.)

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You know what I hate? Team-killing. Nothing aggravates me more than getting whacked by someone wearing my colors.

Last night, while playing Warhawk, I got team-killed so many times, I was convinced I had the words “F*** the red team” written across my forehead.Team-killing is bad for everything. It lowers the killer’s stats, and then it lowers your stats when you go and get revenge, which you will do.

There I was, standing on a bridge, converting it back to our color, when a Warhawk flies down and hovers next to me. I was alarmed at first, but I noticed the red name, and realized he was friendly…

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