Last week I made it abundantly clear that I am not a Kate fan. She just has a knack for dragging the story down. Sure, once upon a time I thought she was 8 miles of eye candy, but that stretch of road is way behind me. Give me the dearly departed Juliet any day of the week. This week we got a heady dose of mythology-expanding goodness. With that said, we have a lot to chew on, so let’s dive right in.

The perfect salve for a Kate episode is a Locke chaser. It seems like the writers know well my disdain for Freckles and her so-called life, so they always make things right with my world, season after season. And often the Locke episodes don’t disappoint. In fact, they are usually heavy on the mythological sweep that hooked us in the first place. And last night was no exception – with some big answers provided – assuming we are to believe the guy revealing them, which might be a pretty tall order.

Where last week we spent time completely away from MiB Locke, this week was his show completely, which is fortunate for me, as I don’t have to spend so much time making sure I hit all bases on the island. I’ve got pretty good recall of most things I’ve watched, but sometimes hitting every plot point can be tricky. Anyway, with the focus squarely on MiB Locke, Alterna-Locke and Sawyer, things were nice and tidy last night.

We opened on Alterna-Locke having one of those mornings that fate likes to throw his way. The hydraulics in his van seized at just the right angle, sending him sprawling to the ground once again, and to add insult to injury, fate decided to soak his ass with ill-timed sprinklers. But then came the wrinkle. While this John Locke followed some elements of a prior script (the box company desk job, the failed walkabout), things haven’t gone exactly according to the original plan, as Helen is officially still in his life and making wedding arrangements.

Helen’s appearance is pivotal because it proves that this timeline we are watching is not simply a “What If the Plane Doesn’t Crash?” scenario. If that were the case, Helen would have been long gone by this point. No, this is an alternate timeline, created by the bomb blast that sunk the island in the South Pacific. It’s The Butterfly Effect. One tiny difference somewhere in the past can have long-reaching implications. Because Jack Shepherd detonated a hydrogen bomb back in the 1970s, a new timeline exists in which John Locke is still crippled, although it sounds like not at the hands of his dad (more in a moment). And while he is still yearning for a better lot in life, he doesn’t have it as bad as he once did.

Which brings his dad into the equation. When Helen was talking about eloping, she mentioned just inviting her parents and his dad, which infers that Anthony Cooper/The Real Sawyer is no longer the bastard who tossed John out a window and is actually, actively in his life. That’s another big “tell” in an episode full of them.

Of course, there was an assortment of the cute coincidences in which “Lost” deals. We already knew that Hurley owned Locke’s box company (that was revealed a few seasons ago), but now we learn that, in this reality, Rose works for one of his employment agencies. With Rose – as we have done so many times in this altered reality – we have to temper the sweet with the sour. Rose is gainfully employed and appears happy, but is still diagnosed with terminal cancer. And as we know, the island became her oasis and her home when it healed her. While she has come to terms with her fate in this altered reality, it’s bittersweet knowing that she had it pretty good with Bernard before Jughead blew its stack.

The producers have done a really nice job of peppering the supporting cast with the same people who played these roles in years past. For instance, Locke’s weasely boss, Randy, whom Hugo describes as “a giant douche.” Another little Easter Egg I uncovered is that Locke’s alarm clock in the alternative timeline makes the exact same sound as the hatch timer hitting zero. Geez, those clocks are vile enough without thinking if you don’t get out of bed in 108 seconds the world’s gonna end.

I’ve always liked Katey Sagal in her appearances as Helen and wished Locke had gotten his act together the first time to really make time with her. She seems like the right blend of gravity that he needs. Anyway, it was nice to see her back, and that scene in which she talked about the real presence of miracles in life and that all she needs is him in hers was great stuff. I’m a fan of “Modern Family,” and it’s nice to catch up with the Bundys after all these years and see them bringing their “A” game. Ed O’Neill is aces on that show, and Sagal injects a lot of heart into this one. Good stuff.

I think the episode title, “The Substitute,” works on two levels, both of which are more connected than it initially appears. In the alternative timeline, Locke finally connects with a job that seems right for him – substitute teacher. After all, aside from an unfortunate maiming, he did a pretty good job schooling Boone. And of course, the new career path sent him on a collision course with his old buddy, Bug-Eyed Ben, who in this timeline is likely the worst history teacher you’ve never had.

On the island, Ben presided over the “weirdest funeral” Frank Lapidus has ever attended. Great line, by the way. And again, with Locke buried (and apparently a banquet for crabs), the real Locke is truly dead. I thought Ben’s admission to murdering Locke was touching. He’s the Gollum of this piece. A twisted, wretched creature who once had some shred of decency. He thought he was the grand manipulator, but in reality he has always been blinded by his allegiance to his “precious” – the island. In his admission of guilt, it became crystal clear. Ben is to be pitied.

Last week, I made allusions to Stephen King’s “The Stand,” and they are really starting to clarify as we work through this season. While “The Stand” is an end-of-the-world allegory, it’s also an adventure yarn depicting the final stand between Good and Evil. In the aftermath of a global pandemic, both sides get busy recruiting soldiers to their cause. And that’s where we find old Smokey – at the outset of the episode – making a beeline for Sawyer to draft the rogue into his good graces. Of course, he has some more unfinished business with Richard.

Utilizing the best pages out of the Devil’s playbook, MiB first works on Richard’s final nerve, insinuating that Jacob always kept him at arm’s length, never ready to reveal his true purpose for being drawn to the island. It’s a similar tack he took with Ben in the fifth-season finale when coercing him to murder Jacob. That’s the seductive nature of evil, offering up your greatest desires (even if it’s just a hint of a supposed truth) to win your allegiance. Having failed to sway Richard, MiB heads for an easier mark.

And there Sawyer sits, drunk and defeated, ripe for the picking. At least you have to imagine he’s ripe in that soiled John McClane wife-beater. It’s interesting to watch the ultimate con artist trying to pull one over on one of the best (Sawyer). I’m standing by my theory that Sawyer will allow himself to get into MiB’s good graces, but it’s all part of a long con and, in the end, Sawyer will sacrifice himself for the good of his people. Mark my words. Y’all owe me a beer in May when I’m proven right.

Which is what makes MiB’s reveals hard to swallow. I think, like every good lie, they’re built upon a foundation of truth; the best lies always are. In fact, I think most of the facts MiB dispensed to Sawyer are true, but he’s spinning them in a different light. Last week I posited that perhaps Jacob is the bad man and he’s keeping MiB prisoner. Most of that is just me fooling around. While it would make for a decent twist, I think Jacob is pure of heart. He is the Light, the Good. But sometimes the methods of the Good can be maddening.

One thing that’s clear is that we are starting to see substantial proof that, despite MiB’s claims that there is nothing special about the island, it really is either the birthplace or the holding area for Good and Evil in the world. Think of the numbers emanating throughout the world. One could argue that, as much as the island has those special electromagnetic properties that send waves of energy out to heal Locke’s legs or eradicate Rose’s cancer, this is also the “heart” of the planet, sending forth waves of “Good” and “Evil” in the world, essentially influencing the true nature that lies in the hearts of men. With the balance disrupted, the fate of the planet is at stake, as Pure Evil now gains a greater hold without Pure Good to balance it out. MiB hints at that when he takes the white rock from the scale and tosses it in the drink, capping it with the line, “Just a private joke.”

Not sure who that blonde kid is. First, I thought the initial vision was just Sawyer as a kid, thus hinting that MiB would seek him out. But then when he showed up a second time, in full Others regalia, I started thinking that maybe he was the Second Coming of Jacob. He did talk about “candidacy,” which we now know is a big project of Jacob’s.

Which bring us to the Candidates. There have been a number of them as the years have passed (in fact, I saw a #313), and it looks like many of them have failed in their quest, most recently, #4.

So here’s the breakdown:

4 Locke

8 Reyes

15 Ford

16 Jarrah

23 Shephard

42 Kwan

You know what those numbers tell me? Jacob is a misogynist. Running the island is a man’s job. That’s right, there’s nothing for Freckles to do but get back in that kitchen and make me some bacon and eggs. I knew it!!! She’s only here to play Eve and ruin this Eden. I’ve been saying it for years, and now Jacob and I are on the same wavelength. (Editor’s Note: The views of the author do not necessarily reflect the view of The Ed Zone, its management or its affiliates.)

So, what is the true nature of MiB? I think he’s telling the truth: perhaps once he was a man – at least his real body was – but he has been “infected.” And maybe that vision he saw is the person he once lost. A son? But if he was a man once, it’s clear he’s not any longer. My guess is the real man wants to get home, but he has been infected by an evil that is not a man but an entity. And using that vessel, the Evil wants to break free of its island prison. Meaning maybe MiB is looking for his “Substitute,” too?

Which means all this talk of candidacy make sense. My guess is that Jacob’s body is the same. They are just vessels for the entities of good and evil. These vessels become the caretakers. Jacob is looking for another worthy vessel to take ownership of the island, as the Agent of Good, much in the same way MiB found his “substitute” once before, and potentially, once again.

That’s all I’ve got. See you next week for Episode 6.5 – “The Lighthouse.”