It’s time once again to give some thought to what I’d like to see under the Christmas tree, wrapped in brightly colored paper with my name on the tags. Notice the strategic lack of mention of the fat guy in the red suit with the white beard and the captive reindeer that drag his lazy butt everywhere in the world in one night. I don’t know the demographic breakdown of Adrenaline Vault’s readership, but I think I’m safe to say that it skews old enough that I’m not gonna traumatize any kiddies with the following: Santa ain’t real (sorry, Patrick). Unless, of course, his middle name is “Best Buy Gift Card,” which makes up the bulk of my traditional holiday haul.

My wish list this year is filled with items that only a fanciful, legendary, magical holiday character could possibly get for me, which is proof all by itself that he doesn’t exist (there’s a reason why Bad Santa is both my Xbox Live and Playstation Network handles, after all). They are, in no particular order:

A winning lottery ticket. I’m not greedy; I’ll settle for a winner in the mid-to-high six figures (after taxes, of course). This would make it easier for me to afford all the new gaming gadgets being foisted onto the players this year. Rock Band 3 guitar controllers with either a forest of tiny buttons or real, honest-to-God strings on the neck. New motion controllers for the Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3 (more about those later). And any of the other assorted doo-dads that might find their way to retailers. Honestly, it used to be that all you needed was a console or a PC, and a game. Now, you also need extra space in your living room to play them all. Which leads me to…

A bigger apartment. The lottery ticket would be a big help here as well. Apparently, you need a minimum of six feet of empty space between yourself and the Kinect sensor to make Microsoft’s new peripheral work. As it is right now, if I move my recliner flush against my living room wall (which would make it impossible to recline, making it pointless to own a recliner), I would have just enough space to frolic with Obob, the jungle cheetah, whom I would befriend in Kinectimals, only to have to humanely put him down when he wouldn’t stop arguing and posting on the Avault forums. I’d have better luck with Playstation Move, although it’s a good thing I live alone, since waving the Sony ice-cream cone around and around would make me look like one of those guys in the reflective vests sending semaphore messages to airline pilots, telling them where to park.

A time machine. Preferably smaller than a Delorean, something that could slow down time enough for me to be able to play and finish the dozens of games (on all platforms) I have stashed in my apartment. Most of them are PC games going back almost 10 years now; if I quit my day job (once again, a useful byproduct of the lottery win) and devoted myself totally to finishing all those games, I still might not be able to get to them all before I expire. Of course, many of them probably won’t even run on today’s PC operating systems, so that might cut the total playtime down a smidge.

Some serious self-discipline. If I’m to survive long enough after I win the Powerball to have a shot at finishing my back catalog, I’m gonna have to find the willpower to drop about 50 pounds, maybe more. Games such as WiiFit Plus and EA Sports Active would be a big help, but in the end I’m gonna have to make myself get out and get physical. That’s what New Year’s resolutions are for, right?

A favorable Supreme Court decision. I know, the justices aren’t scheduled to rule on California v. the ESA until the spring. But this case will decide once and for all if it’s OK to make it a crime to sell mature-rated games to kids, so the sooner they make their decision, the better, no matter which way they go. On one hand, I don’t really think it’s a bad idea to force retailers to be more vigilant in the sales of violent games. I was a movie theatre cashier for 15 years, and I know the kind of grief that they take when they try to prevent young Jonny from getting an unescorted ticket to see Machete. This abuse awaits GameStop clerks, whose jobs would no doubt be on the line every time they sell a copy of God of War III to someone who can barely see the top of the counter. On the other hand, contrary to popular belief, selling a ticket to an R-rated movie to a minor is not against the law (except in some very limited cases around the country), and yet theatres manage to do a fairly good job of keeping kids out of films with objectionable material. The ESRB rating system, like its counterpart in the movie business, is there to keep parents informed about the nature of the material found within a game, and the major retailers have voluntarily agreed to enforce the ratings. Making the sale of M-rated games to minors illegal starts us on the slippery slope towards government censorship in lots of other areas that we certainly don’t want regulated. I say let the ratings do what they’re designed to do, without government interference. Or, better yet, put just as much pressure on parents to take a more serious interest in what their kids are playing.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Last I looked, Thanksgiving arrives before Christmas (although you wouldn’t know it by visiting your local mall). With that in mind, I’d like to mention a few things about which I’m thankful this year. I’m thankful for the good health of my family and friends, and for my own relative well-being. I’m thankful that, unlike Los Angeles, San Francisco managed to celebrate a sporting championship without rioting or burning taxicabs. I’m thankful that a judge finally had the courage to put Lindsay Lohan in jail (or is she out again? Don’t remember). And I’m thankful that, after many years of violent conflict, combat troops are finally returning home from the Middle East.

And most personally, I’m thankful for my colleagues at the Adrenaline Vault and for the great fortune that I have to be part of this organization. From our boss, Angel Munoz, to the many tech folks at New World whose efforts keep us all in front of your eyes every day, and to the writers, a group of volunteers who have given their all to help make Avault one of the great gaming sites on the Web, I have nothing but awe and gratitude for your passion and your skill. And, of course, to our Editor in Chief, Michele White, whose tireless efforts and boundless energy are an inspiration to us all. Working together, the future for our site is indeed brighter than it’s ever been. And last, but certainly not least, to you, the readers, who dragged Avault from the brink and stayed with us as we rebuilt the site to what it is today, and to what it will become in the future. Thanks to you all, and may we all have a safe and happy holiday season!