This morning I saddled up the four-wheeled pony and hit the road to Boston for the very first PAX East gaming festival. This show has been happening in Seattle for years, and has been described as E3 for the fans instead of the media. Last year’s west-coast event was also notable for the swine flu outbreak that happened there; hopefully I won’t be seeing too many folks wearing surgical masks at this show.

For those who might not know, PAX stands for Penny Arcade Expo (yes, I know that Expo begins with an “E”; somehow I suspect that PAE East would’ve been tougher to market). The show gives the fans the opportunity to check out the hottest upcoming games, attend dozens of panel discussions on a myriad of subjects, and basically do what they can’t do at E3 because they can’t get in (or so we’re told). This show also includes console and PC game tournaments, a PC LAN setup and console room where you can sit down and play as long as you like for free, and a keynote address by the hero of TV geekdom, Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”). The lines will be long and strong for that one.

First of all, you might be wondering why I’m driving to Beantown instead of flying or taking Amtrak. The answer, or course, is that I’m cheap. After crunching some numbers, I discovered that it would cost less in gas to drive than it would to buy train tickets from the outskirts of Philly to Boston. Flying is right out; I could be halfway to Massachusetts in the time it would take to get to the airport and fight my way through security. Plus, I save myself the embarrassment of displaying my less-than-olympian body to the screener running the full-body scanner. I’m doing that when I go to E3 in June; once a year is more than enough. You gotta keep them wanting more.

The plan was to leave Philly around 9 am. I expected the 330-mile trip to take about six hours, adding in time to empty the bladder and stretch the legs. This would allow me to miss the rush hour traffic at home and get to my hotel before the evening rush up there. What I didn’t anticipate was the brief time that my route would take me through Manhattan and the Bronx. Whoever it was who named the Cross Bronx Expressway was obviously mistaken; there’s no express involved, especially if you’re heading south. Traffic was backed up from the beginning of the expressway all the way back to the sign that says “Welcome to the New York Thruway: New England,” and that was at noon on a Thursday. I’m coming back this way on Sunday; hopefully all of those truck drivers are visiting the house of worship of their choice and are not clogging my route home.

And on the eighth day, God made the portable GPS receiver. And He looked down upon the happy drivers who weren’t getting hopelessly lost and wasting precious gasoline, and He saw that it was good. And the drivers rejoiced! As did I when my recently purchased Magellan RoadMate 1220 got me from Point A to Point B without a single missed turn. If I had been trying to read printed directions during this trip, I might still be out here on the road instead of in my nice, comfy hotel room typing this blog. Now if only Magellan would allow us to install the nifty voice pack that lets Yoda give you your directions (“Turn left in .5 miles you will, yes…”), all would be truly right with the world.

After lapping the hotel parking garage four times before finding a spot that wasn’t right next to a big, fat pillar, I checked in, dropped my stuff in my room and made a dry run from the hotel to the site of the festival, the Hynes Convention Center. Turns out that, in my aforementioned cheapness, I booked into the only hotel on PAX’s travel site that isn’t within walking distance of the venue. Armed with directions to the subway from the very helpful folks at the Holiday Inn Boston Brookline (check them out if you’re ever up here), I took the 10-minute trip to the nearest stop to the convention center and took advantage of the very nice early spring weather to get the lay of the land, especially the location of the cocktail party that publisher 2K is hosting on Friday night (score!). As I was walking down the streets filled with college kids out on runs or shilling for their favorite charities, I started to get a “Fringe” vibe; I half expected to turn the corner and see “BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS” painted on the side of one of the buildings.

The convention center is a huge, three-floored space that will be completely utilized by PAX East. The registration desk is located in an enormous empty room, save for a seemingly endless series of rope barriers; imagine the longest line you’ve ever seen at Disney World, then double it. I should’ve had my camera with me to take a shot of it while it was empty, since at 8 am on Friday it will be filled with hundreds of nerds and nerdlings waiting to be admitted to the show. Badge in hand, I found my way back to the subway — and had to let two full trains go by before I could board one back to the hotel. Forgot about rush hour. Won’t do that again.

By the way, the city of Boston is to be commended for the condition of its subway cars and stations. They are a virtual picnic ground compared to the musty, smelly, graffiti-covered tubes in New York City and Philadelphia.

Which brings me up to this moment. I’ll skip talking about the excellent dinner I had in the hotel restaurant, except to say that you can’t come to Boston and not have at least one bowl of New England clam chowder; that’s a duty that I’ve already happily dispatched. I’m hoping to post blogs after each day of the show, provided that I’m not too beat by the end of the day; as you can see by my mugshot above, I’m not in what you’d call tip-top shape. I have a number of appointments scheduled with game developers and PC hardware vendors. Highlights include private demos of Mafia II and Sid Meier’s Civilization V, developer Muzzy Lane’s wartime RTS Making History II (which I previewed at GameX last fall), an iPhone version of MMO Fallen Earth, SouthPeak’s Dementium II and Prison Break: The Conspiracy (based on the Fox TV series), and a twisted side-scrolling cartoon-style shooter called Shank from developer Klei. I’ll also be checking out Origin PC’s new gaming hardware and a six-core CPU being demoed by AMD. And maybe some hands-on time with Rockstar’s Red Dead Redemption and Ubisoft’s Splinter Cell: Conviction.

The biggest problem on the horizon: my media badge doesn’t let me skip the lines at the show. Should’ve brought my DSi…