Publisher: Perpetual FX Creative
Developer: Perpetual FX Creative
Genre: Arcade
Release date: Available now

The appeal of Mortal Kombat came not from a solid concept and well thought out plot, but instead from cutting edge graphics and envelope-pushing violence. I am baffled as to why any gaming company would try to rely on the Mortal Kombat formula without the benefit of cutting edge graphics and violence. Nevertheless, this is exactly what Perpetual FX Creative does with Galactic Bowling.

In Galactic Bowling, players choose from one of four humans entered into an intergalactic bowling tournament to compete for the fate of the world. That’s right. The fate of several planets rests on the results of a bowling tournament. It’d be funny in a sort of satiric way if the joke wasn’t on you, the player, who has to care enough to keep playing the game.

The gameplay is pretty typical for a bowling game, as players can move their characters horizontally and adjust their aim. They must tap a meter repeatedly to build up power before releasing the ball, and then tap the character to throw. One can curve the ball by tilting the phone, but frankly, this doesn’t work very well. A power meter builds with each frame and, when filled, allows a special attack. Players can also pick up items that enables them to disrupt their opponent’s game with earthquakes and other unlikely distractions.

The four playable characters offer little variety, as the special “attacks” all achieve essentially the same result: a strike. The only discernable difference among them is the size of their rear-ends. I’m not saying that facetiously: Shaniqua Stevens, one of the four characters, has a behind that occupies a ludicrous portion of the screen, and gyrates continuously next to the boom-box she carries. Read that again, carefully: SHE’S CARRYING A GHETTO-BLASTER WHILE BOWLING. If Jesse Jackson catches you playing this game, you will be forced to issue a public apology.

The voices are almost deliberately bad, and the music sounds as though David Lee Roth teamed up with Bill and Ted’s Wild Stalion to produce the most generic heavy metal known to man. Both the voice acting and music would be more appropriately suited to an adult movie. Despite their simplicity, the controls still manage to be frustrating and unresponsive. Even the fairly amuzing character designs aren’t rendered well enough to be make the game amusing.

Bells and whistles like special attacks aside, this game is just virtual bowling that feels nothing like actual bowling. The gameplay is repetitive and simple to a fault. The graphics are nothing special, and the controls are frustrating. There simply isn’t anything about the game to justify the time spent downloading it, much less the cost.

Our Score:

Our Recommendation: