Publisher: E-One Studio
Developer: E-One Studio
System requirements: Windows XP SP3/Vista SP1/Win 7 SP1, 1 GHz CPU, 2 GB RAM (3 GB for Vista/Win 7), 512 MB graphics card with Shader Model 3.0 support, 4 GB hard-drive space
Genre: Adventure
ESRB rating: Teen
Release date: Available now

From the minute Hoodwink sauntered into my review queue, I knew she was trouble. Stylish cell-shaded graphics wrapped around a noir plot set in the future, she was like the lovechild of Tex Murphy and Tex Avery. She seemed too good to be true. She was an adventure game, after all. Yet, she’s a game, and I’m a reviewer. If decades of games journalism couldn’t change that relationship, then neither could I. I took the job, and damn the consequences.

After she sat down, Hoodwink told me of a world far away, yet close to home. It’s a world where the self-explanatory Uni-corp has its fill while the rest of us fight the rats for the leftovers. And yet, amongst all of that, hope and opportunity glimmer like diamonds for the foolish. One of these fools is Michael Bezzlea, self-made “acquisitions expert,” who thinks he’s got the ticket out of the slums, and he’s determined to take his girl with him. I like the kid. He’s a clever sorta guy who knows you can’t trust anyone, especially those who might be listening in on your internal monologue. I thought Hoodwink was gonna tell me one of those sappy stories that are supposed to make lesser men cry, but she knew how to keep the tone light. With that dry sense of wit, the tale drew me on…

For being a slummy world, Hoodwink is surprisingly colorful. Cell-shading is in full effect all throughout the city of Global-01. I know some cats have it in for the style, but it let developer E-One give the game a unique art style without spending a fortune. Meanwhile, the toe-tapping music is precisely appropriate and immensely delightful if you dig that jive. It’s like William Gibson brought back Henry Mancini and he lives on my hard drive. Between this and the dry wit, I could tell that this dame knew her stuff.

But from the moment Hoodwink asked me to do something, things started to go belly up. As far as she was concerned, I only had a single mouse button. Beyond insulting, it was stifling. Pixel hunting for hotspots is a difficult (if time-honored) tradition, but trying to click on the right spot to trigger a new camera angle was pouring salt into the wound. As painful as navigation and interaction felt, I might as well have had a slug in my shoulder.

Meanwhile, the dame just wouldn’t shut up. It’s not the dialogue that’s the problem, or even the voice acting. It’s the fact that it’s impossible to skip any of it. More than once I clicked on something by accident and was forced to wait patiently as the dialogue activated again. Those long conversation trees slowly lengthen into eternity, like asymptotes to infinity. What love I had quickly faded away as I felt my very life seep from my pores like sweat on a hot summer’s day. And yet, the hardest part was leaving Hoodwink. I wanted to like the dame, I really did. She had me pegged from the start. Futuristic space detective? Check. Clever script, setting and characters? Check. Gorgeous unique art style? Check. I even glossed over a good bit of stuff I liked, such as the built-in hint system and the mini-games, to name a few. Yet it was all too good to be true. Behind that glamorous facade was just an adventure game with a busted interface.

Sometimes the smallest things can bring you down. Usually it’s a piece of lead between the eyes. This time, it’s a clunky interface and characters who don’t know when to stop talking. The optimist in me says I got lucky. The pessimist says I’d rather take the bullet. He says the iOS version is better. I say there is no iOS version. He says she could use a good patch. I say I could use another whiskey.

Our Score:
Our Recommendation: