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Review by: Emil Pagliarulo
Published: August 4, 1997
In this age of Quake clones and Command & Conquer wannabes, it sometimes seems next to impossible to find an original idea in computer gaming. Strangely enough, Parroty Interactive has managed to produce games that are completely original simply by capitalizing on unoriginality. Beginning with Pyst, a takeoff on the enormously successful graphic adventure Myst, the company has begun creating parodies of popular computer games. Their latest release, Star Warped, pokes fun at just about every Star Wars game ever made, and the entire Star Wars universe in general.
Star Warped can best be described as an interactive “visit” to the Modesto, California bedroom of the world’s biggest Star Wars nerds, stepbrothers Aaron and Brian. Although you never actually see the socially inept siblings, you will hear their narration throughout the entire program, along with the occasional interjections by their feminazi sister Stephanie and alcoholic whore of a mother.
The action, if you can call it that, begins at the “Panel” screen. After you type in your name, you are basically given free reign to explore the boys’ bedroom. Most of the activities can be accessed by buttons on the Panel, and this is also where you must enter the correct combination to gain access to a “Vault” containing three other activities. In order to get the full effect of Star Warped, though, I recommend using the large buttons on the control Panel that actually take you the the two different rooms. Only from there can you fully appreciate Brian and Aaron’s complete obsession with all things Star Wars.
The rooms are presented as cartoon drawings and moving the mouse cursor over an area and left clicking takes you to a specific activity or close-up. Click on the Anime Return of the Jedi poster, and Aaron and Brian launch into some story about how they went to Japan as foreign exchange students, and got stood up by the host family. Clicking on other areas brings up similar narrations. But Star Warped’s real offering is its collection of Star Wars themed mini-games, most of which are parodies of real computer products.
“U Don’t No Jedi” is the Parroty Star Wars equivalent of the popular Internet trivia game, “You Don’t Know Jack.” Although the questions are downright ridiculous, buried within them are actually some pretty difficult tidbits of Star Wars trivia. Did you know that Bea Arthur was in the Star Wars Thanksgiving special?
“Whack The Ewok” is perhaps the greatest reason for wanting to own Star Warped. Like most of the mini-games, it is a brief, timed diversion; points are accumulated, and at the end of the game you are given a Star Wars-type ranking, like “Rebel.” The concept of “Whack The Ewok” is long overdue. Finally, you can take a stick to the furry, prancing little buggers and send them hurtling from their rickety rope bridge. Talk about a stress reliever . . .
The “Gene Splicer” and “Time Machine” are very similar, and both are equally useless. The “Gene Splicer” gives you a look at what the offsping of two Star Wars characters might have looked like, and the “Time Machine” shows the different periods in their lives.
Star Warped’s parodies of the LucasArts computer games are enough to make George himself shake his head in disgust. “Dork Forces,” “X-Schwing,” and “Wrecked All Assault,” are all accessed, conveniently enough, at Brian and Aaron’s computer. Simply click on one of their CD-ROMs, and you’ll gain access to the corresponding game. Not that you’ll spend too much time here, considering “Wrecked All Assault” lets you pilot the Millennium Falcon through Jabba’s anus. Wouldn’t Han be proud?
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