Publisher: Disney Interactive
Developer: Disney Interactive
Genre: Music/Rhythm/Adventure
Release date: Available now

I’m going to launch this review with an earth-shattering revelation. We’re talking Da Vinci Code, faked moon landing, Milli Vanilli levels of conspiracy paranoia. I am utterly convinced that tween rocker Hannah Montana (star of Disney’s “reality show” of the same name) and Miley Cyrus (Achy Breaky’s brat), are one and the same. After all, I’ve never seen them in the same place at the same time. Also (while we’re talking conspiracy theories), I am utterly convinced that my editors have installed a covert Webcam in my home and assigned this game to me just so they could catch me lip-synching with Crowley Corners’ celeb crooner in the hopes that the video of a 36-year-old dude busting out “The Climb” would become the next hot Web sensation.

Hannah Montana: The Movie released at the same time as its cinematic namesake. Rather than offer a straight music game in the Karaoke Revolution vein, Disney Interactive has developed an adventure that puts players in Hannah Montana’s shoes as she interacts with the clueless inhabitants of Crowley’s Corners, TN, who have fallen for Hannah’s Clark Kent act for far too long. The game has Hannah’s down-home alter-ego, Miley Stewart, working to save her town by interacting with the NPCs who dot the town, and engaging in a series of minigames and fetch quests designed to drive the story. In addition to the plot progression, players can perform side quests that provide them with the means to customize Miley/Hannah’s wardrobes. You can also interact with Miley’s beloved horse, Blue Jeans, with minigames tied to feeding and riding the pretty pony.

Throughout the game, you take side trips from the adventure elements to perform musical numbers. Some of these are integrated into the plot, while others arrive as dream sequences, in which Miley melds with Hannah. These diversions are similar to the action in other rhythm games such as Dance Dance Revolution, with the player matching a command that appears on screen to create a fluid, musical performance. As Hannah works her way across the stage, she occasionally gets close to a band member, spawning an instrument-specific minigame.

Hannah has one fatal flaw that brings the entire enterprise crashing down. Instead of designing a straight karaoke game, which the target audience would’ve adored, the developers have shoehorned rhythm-based music sequences into a dull adventure tale. The instrumental minigames use the fundamentals found in games such as Guitar Hero and Rock Band, but with one key difference – instead of using a cool peripheral that expertly mimics the onscreen actions, you simply mash buttons in time with the beat. Even more peculiar is the handling of vocal tracks. What would’ve been a perfect opportunity to implement karaoke via USB microphone is handled exactly the same as the instrumentals. Players hit a button on cue, prompting Hannah/Miley to lip synch the lyrics. Little girls would probably get more satisfaction from singing into a hair brush.

The adventure element, which dominates 75% of the thankfully brief 5-hour playtime, is completely neutered. You’re sent on monotonous, mundane tasks such as “Find NPC X and give her Y and then return to me for another boring errand.” This continues throughout the game, with brief excursions to bolster your wardrobe or bond with Blue Jeans. The quests remain the same, with each offering tiny nuggets of plot development. Boredom sets in very quickly. Adding to the lethargy are the poorly animated character models that move at a snail’s pace, stretching the simplest of fetch quests to agonizing lengths as you wait for Miley to amble across town to pick up another basket of biscuits for the town picnic.

My playtime with Hannah Montana: The Movie didn’t offer enough conclusive evidence to prove if the singer and that sweet Southern gal are the same person, but it did offer ample intel to warn me off ever playing this game again. The developers were aiming for “The Best of Both Worlds” when they tried to combine the adventure genre with a rhythm game, but they ended up failing completely, producing a game that features two underwhelming modes that never mesh and overly frustrate and bore. Now that this mystery is behind me, it’s time to work on some more true Hollywood revelations. For instance: Jake and Maggie Gyllenhall. Real life siblings? Or is there some Hannah Montana mumbo jumbo going on there as well? Stay tuned and keep watching the skies.

Our Score:

Our Recommendation: