Publisher: Ubisoft Singapore
Developer: Microsoft
Genre: Action
Release date: Available now

Whether you love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or not, or at least the memory of them, they still keep popping out of the sewers. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-shelled tries to bring back what we love about the turtles in this upscale, glitzy remake of the classic side-scroller. The levels and gameplay are reminiscent of the good old days, but it has trouble retaining its original arcade spirit.

As in the original, the villainous Krang snatches the Statue of Liberty, and only the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles can get it back. After you pick your favorite weapon-wielding reptile, you’re thrown into the hack-n’-slash mosh. You start off well enough in the city and the sewers, but it’s not too long before things get wacky. Shredder’s teleportation device opens a spiraling tunnel that sends you into different time periods. You fight all sorts of enemies, from prehistoric mud bosses to the main turtle-hater himself, as you progress through various levels set in the past and the future. Most of the original cast of villains is present, but unfortunately they have been “modernized,” looking less and less like they did in the original games.

To help you choose between the heroes, each turtle has his own attributes (speed, range, etc). But since there are only two control buttons (normal and special attacks), it really doesn’t matter which turtle you play. This is a game of button mashing at it’s finest, with each character responding the same way to all controller commands. At least the graphics look great. Everything is spruced up and lively, with fluid animations and pretty laser beam effects. Nothing seems to have been overlooked.

From a gameplay standpoint, if you want to get the most enjoyment out of Re-shelled, multiplayer is your best bet, if nothing other than for its gregariousness. The game recognizes the extra players in your party and tries to swamp you with foes. While entertaining in that regard, you have to be wary you don’t lose your turtle amidst all the action.

However, Re-shelled is marred by a concept that couldn’t survive its own trip from the 1980s. The levels are all monotonous and lack surprises, save for a few malicious traps here and there. Bosses all require the same tedious and frustrating tactic to defeat them, and levels throw obstacles at you that are extremely difficult to avoid. Nothing is fun about any of it.

There’s a problem inherent to anything related to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in today’s media. Namely, the attempts to make them hip for this generation. They will never be as cool as they were in the 80s. Their time has passed, and like so many good movies whose legacies are ruined by bad sequels, their original charm simply can’t be duplicated. Turtles in Time: Re-shelled digs up the classic arcade game, dusts it off and gives it a makeover. But this game’s time has come and gone, and no amount of makeup can mask its age.

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